Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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Don’t be a kunt, download legally:

1. Have a look up your loft and see if there's anything that makes you feel sexy.

2. Take a bumwipe shopping and discreetly leave it at the cash-desk.

3. Drive out to the countryside and interfere with yourself in a lay-by.

4. Find a lady you fancy then follow her home.

5. Put your finger in a rubber johnny and stick it in your back bum.

6. Write a letter to the local paper complaining about dogs' mess.

7. Shave your pubes off.

8. Take photos of your neighbours without them knowing.

9. Cut a hole in your pocket and smile at people in the street while touching your pinky.

10. Do some plops in a carrier bag and tip them over your neighbour's fence when they're at work.

11. Ask a lady if you can have a look at her front bottom.

12. Shave your dog's cock and bollocks.

13. Tuck your private parts in between your legs and photograph yourself as a lady.

14. Do a bit of poo on some paper, the fold it over to make a butterfly print.

15. Get a stiffy then show it to some ladies in the woods.

16. Set up a hotmail account in your mate's name then find something mucky on the internet and send it to his mum.

17. Buy a portion of chips in the town centre and chip up a traffic warden.

18. Sit right next to someone on a near-empty bus and keep passing wind.

19. Take a polaroid of your helmet and leave it in a book in the library.

20. Join friends re-united as Nobby Nobnuts and put your job as 'looking at my ding-dong in the mirror'.

21. Wear white trousers with no pants and shit yourself in the post office queue.

22. Make sure your mum's out then have a wank in every room.

23. Tell anyone new you meet that you're a stuntman.

24. Itch your bum inside your pants then ask a policeman for directions and insist on shaking his hand.

25. Shit in a jiffy bag and send it to Dominic Littlewood.

26. See if you can touch your helmet with your tongue. If you can, ignore all the above.

 

26 THINGS TO DO IN THE DAYTIME